What is a relationship?

 Here's a life lesson for you. It's universally applicable, compatible with Christian morality, and you should apply it to all aspects of your life.

A relationship is an agreement between people. A relationship is a set of predefined parameters that cover, amongst other things, the sexual behaviour of those in the relationship. In a traditional Christian-derived marriage, these are the "vows" that each person recites to the other during the ceremony. Notably, the traditional vows include the phrase "to the exclusion of all others", but they don't have to. (The traditional vows also include a promise by the wife to "obey" her husband, but that's neither here nor there.)

When one person "cheats on" another, this is defined as breaking the agreement between them. If the agreement is to be monogamous, then sex outside the relationship is cheating. All relationships are based on the trust that a person has in the other to keep to the terms of the agreement. By breaking the agreement, you are betraying the other person's trust.

For the most part, most aspects of this agreement can go unsaid. The agreement to monogamy, for example, is so common that it is usually assumed. But if a person wants their relationship to be different in any way, then it is extremely important for the agreement to be stated explicitly. And yes, this means that if I am in a relationship with a person and our agreement states explicitly that we can have sex with other people, I am not "cheating on" them by doing so.

Neglecting the agreement between partners is what causes so many relationships to go bust. Because it's a betrayal of trust, and not because of sex. If I'm in a relationship with one person, and I go off and have sex with someone else, as long as it is safe and consensual, nobody is harmed by the physical act. Sex is just sex. What can be harmed is the trust that my partner has in my keeping to the terms of the agreement. If monogamy is part of that, then my act has potentially put my relationship at risk.

Here endeth the lesson. If you take this to heart, you will be a better person for it.

An Analogy

 All persons appearing in this analogy are fictional. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

The other day I was out with some friends, and I happened to mention that I thought Nazism was bad. A guy came up to us and said "Oh, you think Nazism is bad?"

"Yes," I replied, "I do." And I turned back to my friends, intending to continue having a good evening.

"I'm proud to be a Nazi. I bet you don't even understand what Nazism is all about," he said, puffing out his chest.

"I think I have a good enough idea," I replied.

"Oh?" He leaped on it like a kitten on a toy mouse. "Then tell me the Three Core Tenets of Nazism."

"I'm not sure I care to get into details with you."

"You don't even know, do you?" he asked with a smug self-satisfied smile. "How can you say Nazism is bad when you don't know the Three Core Tenets?"

"I'm not even sure I care what the Three Core Tenets are." I replied. "Nazism is bad. You know, there was that whole Holocaust thing?"

"The Holocaust was totally misunderstood!" he said with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Come into my Nazi Bar and we can discuss like civilised people why Nazism is not as bad as you think."

"I don't think I will," I said.

"Why, are you scared that you'll be proved wrong?"

"Uh... not really..."

"Then come on into the Nazi Bar and we can talk about it, politely and with an avalanche of references to Nazi literature to prove that what we are saying is true."

"No."

"If you won't debate the fundamentals of Nazism with me in my Nazi Bar," he said with just a touch of condescension, "then you're an intellectual coward."

"Discuss the fundamentals of Nazism with you, a professed proud Nazi in the safe and supporting environment of your Nazi Bar, with all your Nazi friends watching and listening, or have Nazis call me an intellectual coward? You know what? You can call me what you like. I'm not going to your Nazi Bar. This conversation is over."

And I turned my back on him. Because that's what you do with Nazis.

Why They Are Like That.

I think I've come up with a reasonable Theory of Why They Are Like That.

Once you realise that they believe that God rewards piety with material wealth, it explains a lot about how they can be the way they are without being cynical deliberate fraudsters. Of course, the toxic result of this belief is that if you're poor, then you're just not being holy enough.

(That being said, I'm absolutely sure that at least some of them are cynical deliberate fraudsters. It's hard to give the benefit of the doubt to Popoff, eg.)

Combine that with the pseudo-Calvinistic doctrine that everybody - including them - is an irredeemable sinner saved only by God's grace, and you can see how someone who starts genuinely believing that they are being pious and holy starts to realise that they are getting more and more successful, and they become drunk on their own holiness. Their sinful lifestyle is only supported by their absolute knowledge that they are simply being rewarded by God for being so very damn pious.

Also, there's the belief that is as far as I can tell pretty unique to the Pentecostals that they are engaged in a constant war with the forces and influence of Satan. So anyone who speaks out against them is Satanic and certainly possessed by demons. Any critic is an enemy combatant in this spiritual war. Nothing they say can be trusted - their purpose is nothing less than to destroy God's kingdom.

Anyway, thank you for coming to my TED talk.

Form Letter To The Editor

Originally published by Marquis De Carabas on the JREF Forum:

[insert natural phenomenon] is incredibly complex. The odds of [said natural phenomenon] arising by chance have been [calculated by a scientist in a non-related field/estimated by my pastor/pulled out of my ass] to be 1 in [many millions/many billions/oodles]. Although I admit [I am not an expert in this field/I haven’t even bothered to google this/I am from Kansas], it is apparent to me that this could not have happened by chance alone, therefore [the only possible explanation is/we must acknowledge the power of/I will label my ignorance] God.

[I look forward to reading your feeble attempts to dispute this/Prove me wrong/Suck on that], [stupid atheists/EVILutionists].

Kent Hovind describes the origin of coffee

Originally by barehl on the JREF Forum.

Let's try applying Kent Hovind's logic and speaking style to coffee.

Have you ever thought about where coffee came from? I don't mean the bean which obviously comes from a tree. But, where did the idea come from to make a drink from it? I'm going to show you that it wasn't possible for this to happen and therefore coffee must have a supernatural origin.

Raw coffee beans are inside of fruit on coffee trees. That's the first odd thing. Can you name any other time where we throw away the fruit and keep the seeds? Imagine if you had a cherry tree or a peach tree and you threw away the fruit and kept the seeds. Everyone would think you were crazy. And you can't even use these seeds in raw form; they have to be roasted first. So, now we have two levels of crazy: I'm keeping the seeds and then I decide to roast them until they turn dark like burnt toast...and we all know how good burnt toast is.

But we still aren't there yet because you can't make coffee with coffee beans even after you roast them; you need a coffee grinder. So now imagine that some craftsman or tinkerer hears that some crazy guy is keeping seeds and roasting them and so he decides to make a contraption that will grind them up even though there is still nothing you can do with them.

We need a coffee pot. Now coffee pots are complex devices. They require a basket with holes of just the right size. If the holes are too small the water won't run out fast enough and the basket will overflow and get grounds in the coffee. But if the holes are too big then the grounds will fall through anyway. Can you imagine how much time it would take just to get the basket and holes the right size? Then on the bottom of the coffee pot there is a chamber that gets very hot which causes the water to boil. This water then shoots up a tube and falls down into the basket. To keep the water moving in one direction you have to have a valve to let more water in after the first quantity gets pushed up the tube. If you don't have this valve then the bottom chamber will just boil dry and the coffee won't percolate. The tube also has to be the right size. If it is too big then the boiling water won't reach the top. If it's too small then the pressure will build up and the chamber will explode. This is very complicated; you would need an engineer.

So imagine that you find an engineer to to design your burnt seed percolating device and he is going to spend time experimenting while risking being injured by an explosion to make a machine that has no value without the seeds that some crazy guy roasted and a coffee grinder that someone else built based on the idea that it might make a drink that no one has ever tasted? Coffee is obviously irreducibly complex and clearly, this never happened. The idea of coffee along with the devices and procedures to make coffee must have had a supernatural origin.

The New Age Is A Paper Tiger

Originally by Dr Adequate on the JREF Forums

New Age: Wouldn't it be wonderful if minute doses of toxins could make people healthier?

Science: Vaccination?

New Age: Homeopathy! Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could cure diseases by sticking needles in people?

Science: Intravenous injection?

New Age: Acupuncture! Wouldn't it be wonderful if people without medical degrees or scientific training could treat serious medical conditions by the laying on of hands?

Science: CPR?

New Age: Faith healing! Wouldn't it be wonderful if naturally occurring substances could cure diseases?

Science: Penicillin?

New Age: Ephedra! Wouldn't it be wonderful if people had remarkable mental powers?

Science: Language, memory, imagination, reason, love, compassion, hope, altruism...

New Age: Spoonbending! Wouldn't it be wonderful if people could communicate with one another over large distances?

Science: By telephone?

New Age: By telepathy! Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was some way of seeing distant people and places?

Science: Television?

New Age: Remote viewing! Wouldn't it be wonderful if people could fly?

Science: By aeroplane?

New Age: By bouncing on their bottoms and repeating a mantra! Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could determine the sex of an unborn child?

Science: Using ultrasound?

New Age: Using pendulum dowsing! Wouldn't it be wonderful if every part of the universe was bound to every other part by mysterious forces?

Science: As in quantum physics?

New Age: As an explanation for the tricks of stage psychics! Wouldn't it be wonderful if mysterious vibrations were the explanation for all phenomena?

Science: Quantum physics again, surely?

New Age: Such as the "good vibrations" I get from my magic crystals! Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was such a thing as "negative energy''?

Science: As is associated with a gravitational field?

New Age: As an objective, scientific explanation of why I should dislike the people I dislike! Wouldn't it be wonderful if the study of numbers and calculation could help us to discover how the world works?

Science: Mathematics?

New Age: Numerology! Wouldn't it be wonderful if there were some things science can't explain...

Science: Here's a list as long as your arm. Can you help us to get research funding?

New Age: ... such as why a pretty pebble price $29.99 plus postage and packing can improve my karma and ward off negative forces! Wouldn't it be wonderful if studying the stars could lead us to important truths?

Science: Such as the origin of the universe?

New Age: Such as that Librans should avoid shopping trips this Wednesday! Wouldn't it be wonderful if in some distant mountain range there flourished an shaggy semi-intelligent animal closely related to humans?

Science: The Congo mountain gorilla?

New Age: The yeti! Wouldn't it be wonderful if the Earth were being observed from outer space?

Science: By weather satellites?

New Age: By Little Green Men! Wouldn't it be wonderful if ancient civilizations had discovered a mysterious occult key to the workings of the Universe, the knowlege of which has been handed down from generation to generation by a small, shy, uncommunicative sect?

Science: Mathematicians?

New Age: Atlanteans! Wouldn't it be wonderful if superior intelligences who have mastered the secrets of space flight were trying to communicate with me?

Science: Scientists?

New Age: Aliens! Wouldn't it be wonderful if there were beautiful stripy ferocious big cats living in Asia...

Science: Tigers?

New Age: ... made entirely out of paper! After all, aren't things always more wonderful if they are...

Science: Real?

New Age: Imaginary!

If World War 1 Were A Bar Fight

Originally by Dave Rogers on the JREF Forums

Germany, Austria and Italy are stood together in the middle of the bar-room, when Serbia bumps into Austria, and spills Austria's pint.

Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit, because there are splashes on its trouser leg.

Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view.

Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit.

Serbia points out that it can't afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for cleaning Austria's trousers.

Russia and Serbia look at Austria.

Austria asks Serbia who it's looking at.

Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone.

Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so.

Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this is sufficiently out of order that Britain should not intervene.

Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it?

Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action.

Britain and France ask Germany whether it's looking at Belgium.

Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone.

Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium.

France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britan and France with one hand and Russia with the other. Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it's on Britain's side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria.

Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings, because Britain made Australia do it.

France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change.

Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting.

America waits till Germany is about to fall over, then walks over, waves a fist at Germany while Britain knocks it out, then pretends it won the fight all by itself.

By now all the chairs are broken, and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany's fault. While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.

Nobody comes out of it looking particularly good.