I had a major introvert moment earlier today.
I was sitting in the food court, eating food and reading an article on my phone, minding my own business, when a guy came up to me, said "Hey Andrew, what'cha doing?", sat down and started eating his hamburger at me.
Now, I did know this guy. He's from the LARP group. So it wasn't like he was a total stranger to me. But there he was, watching me eat, and smiling as though expecting me to make conversation.
In response to his question, I said "Eating," and continued eating and reading. When I had finished eating, I said "...and having et, moves on." Which is a riff off a line from The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam ("The moving finger writes, and having writ, moves on.") Then I got up and left without having finished my drink. I took my drink to another part of the mall, then sat down and drank it.
While there I had a minor panic attack. Nothing serious - but I had to stop and breathe for a while to calm myself. Let me explain.
My job right now consists in large part of being very nice to perfect strangers, repeatedly. On occasion I need to make conversation with them. A small minority of Uber passengers are good conversationalists - for example, one evening I had a lovely conversation with a guy about electric cars and how they are going to change society. I think my ability to carry on a conversation with someone on a wide range of subjects is one of my strengths as a driver. But whether they are interested in conversation or not, I have to be nice to them. This is an obligation of being in a service industry, especially one where explicit judgement is invited from the customers in the form of a five-star rating.
I don't particularly like to label myself. For example, I do not call myself a feminist or an LGBTI ally. I don't think it's my place to say those things about myself, especially since sometimes I see people using those labels in place of actually being a feminist or an LGBTI ally. I will behave according to my beliefs, and if members of the LGBTI community want to call me an ally, then I will happily accept that. But I won't merely declare myself an ally as an excuse for not acting like one.
Similarly, I don't like to call myself an introvert, even though of all the labels that could apply to me, this one applies most strongly. But I've found that when I call myself an introvert, some people use that to pigeonhole me - as though now that I've got that label, they know how they can treat me. They put me in the little "Introvert" box with all the other introverts. This box comes with a set of assumptions and instructions that have been downloaded from the internet on how to behave around people in the box.
But I, like all other introverts - like all other people - am an individual, and generic instructions sometimes don't work on me. I'd rather you deal with me as a person than as an introvert.
This fellow either did not realise how much of an introvert I was, or had no knowledge about how to deal with introverts. When he came down and sat with me, he upset my equilibrium. I was using my lunchtime to relax - to unwind a little before going back to work being friendly. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to be talked to. I didn't want to be distracted from the article I was reading. In short, I didn't want to people. I was there specifically in order to not people for a while, even if only half an hour.
On top of that, I now worry that I came across as rude. Which is absolutely true - I was rude. If the fellow I was rude to happens to be reading this, I am sorry that I was rude to you. But I hope you can understand that to me, coming and sitting down uninvited while I'm eating lunch is itself rude. In this case it actually threw me off my stride for the rest of the day, and I had to finish up and come home earlier than I had intended to.
There are some people who have license to come and talk to me at any time, for any reason. Generally, I'm pretty sure that they know who they are - though there might be one or two people who don't yet realise that they're in this category. Most casual acquaintances are not.
So if you see me sitting on my own, and you're not one of those close friends, please don't impose yourself upon me. I find it very stressful to have that happen to me unexpectedly.
