What is a relationship?

 Here's a life lesson for you. It's universally applicable, compatible with Christian morality, and you should apply it to all aspects of your life.

A relationship is an agreement between people. A relationship is a set of predefined parameters that cover, amongst other things, the sexual behaviour of those in the relationship. In a traditional Christian-derived marriage, these are the "vows" that each person recites to the other during the ceremony. Notably, the traditional vows include the phrase "to the exclusion of all others", but they don't have to. (The traditional vows also include a promise by the wife to "obey" her husband, but that's neither here nor there.)

When one person "cheats on" another, this is defined as breaking the agreement between them. If the agreement is to be monogamous, then sex outside the relationship is cheating. All relationships are based on the trust that a person has in the other to keep to the terms of the agreement. By breaking the agreement, you are betraying the other person's trust.

For the most part, most aspects of this agreement can go unsaid. The agreement to monogamy, for example, is so common that it is usually assumed. But if a person wants their relationship to be different in any way, then it is extremely important for the agreement to be stated explicitly. And yes, this means that if I am in a relationship with a person and our agreement states explicitly that we can have sex with other people, I am not "cheating on" them by doing so.

Neglecting the agreement between partners is what causes so many relationships to go bust. Because it's a betrayal of trust, and not because of sex. If I'm in a relationship with one person, and I go off and have sex with someone else, as long as it is safe and consensual, nobody is harmed by the physical act. Sex is just sex. What can be harmed is the trust that my partner has in my keeping to the terms of the agreement. If monogamy is part of that, then my act has potentially put my relationship at risk.

Here endeth the lesson. If you take this to heart, you will be a better person for it.

An Analogy

 All persons appearing in this analogy are fictional. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

The other day I was out with some friends, and I happened to mention that I thought Nazism was bad. A guy came up to us and said "Oh, you think Nazism is bad?"

"Yes," I replied, "I do." And I turned back to my friends, intending to continue having a good evening.

"I'm proud to be a Nazi. I bet you don't even understand what Nazism is all about," he said, puffing out his chest.

"I think I have a good enough idea," I replied.

"Oh?" He leaped on it like a kitten on a toy mouse. "Then tell me the Three Core Tenets of Nazism."

"I'm not sure I care to get into details with you."

"You don't even know, do you?" he asked with a smug self-satisfied smile. "How can you say Nazism is bad when you don't know the Three Core Tenets?"

"I'm not even sure I care what the Three Core Tenets are." I replied. "Nazism is bad. You know, there was that whole Holocaust thing?"

"The Holocaust was totally misunderstood!" he said with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Come into my Nazi Bar and we can discuss like civilised people why Nazism is not as bad as you think."

"I don't think I will," I said.

"Why, are you scared that you'll be proved wrong?"

"Uh... not really..."

"Then come on into the Nazi Bar and we can talk about it, politely and with an avalanche of references to Nazi literature to prove that what we are saying is true."

"No."

"If you won't debate the fundamentals of Nazism with me in my Nazi Bar," he said with just a touch of condescension, "then you're an intellectual coward."

"Discuss the fundamentals of Nazism with you, a professed proud Nazi in the safe and supporting environment of your Nazi Bar, with all your Nazi friends watching and listening, or have Nazis call me an intellectual coward? You know what? You can call me what you like. I'm not going to your Nazi Bar. This conversation is over."

And I turned my back on him. Because that's what you do with Nazis.

Why They Are Like That.

I think I've come up with a reasonable Theory of Why They Are Like That.

Once you realise that they believe that God rewards piety with material wealth, it explains a lot about how they can be the way they are without being cynical deliberate fraudsters. Of course, the toxic result of this belief is that if you're poor, then you're just not being holy enough.

(That being said, I'm absolutely sure that at least some of them are cynical deliberate fraudsters. It's hard to give the benefit of the doubt to Popoff, eg.)

Combine that with the pseudo-Calvinistic doctrine that everybody - including them - is an irredeemable sinner saved only by God's grace, and you can see how someone who starts genuinely believing that they are being pious and holy starts to realise that they are getting more and more successful, and they become drunk on their own holiness. Their sinful lifestyle is only supported by their absolute knowledge that they are simply being rewarded by God for being so very damn pious.

Also, there's the belief that is as far as I can tell pretty unique to the Pentecostals that they are engaged in a constant war with the forces and influence of Satan. So anyone who speaks out against them is Satanic and certainly possessed by demons. Any critic is an enemy combatant in this spiritual war. Nothing they say can be trusted - their purpose is nothing less than to destroy God's kingdom.

Anyway, thank you for coming to my TED talk.