I'm going to do something very unusual for me and attempt to review a couple of movies I've recently seen. It's unusual because I don't usually even watch movies, let alone have my thoughts together enough to actually write reviews of them.
If you're looking for indepth analyses of cinematographic techniques or ten-act Campbellian breakdowns, this won't be the place for it. I'm just not that into movies. I'm just going to write down what I thought of these movies.
For a start, they were both really terrible movies. The two movies I'm going to review are Dragon Lore: Curse of the Shadow (aka. Saga - Curse of the Shadow) and Age of the Dragons. I'll talk about the second one first.
Age of the Dragons is a retelling of Moby Dick. They don't even try to hide it - even the character names are the same. When we meet the protagonist, the first line of dialogue is "So - Ishmael, is it?" "You can call me that." Ahab, Queequeg, Starbuck, Stubb, Flask - if you're familiar with Moby Dick, then these names will be familiar. The only real differences are that the White Whale is actually a White Dragon and there is an introduced female character - in fact, the only female character - named Rachel. I'm pretty sure she's only there because you're not allowed to do a movie with an all-male cast any more. She was also, obviously, the focus of the inevitable romantic subplot, which seemed to exist only because there was a woman in the cast.
The Pequod was not a ship. Since dragons are not whales, Ahab did not need a boat to go hunting for it. Instead, the Pequod was a weird land-ship which rolled across the tundra on wheels. Yes - tundra. Most of the movie was set in snowy regions - perhaps ultimately due to the Dungeons and Dragons trope that white dragons are associated with cold. This dragon definitely breathed fire, though.
The movie was pretty hard to get through. It had the same overblown overdramatic dialogue as the original novel - in fact, I'm pretty sure there were some direct quotes - and there was a weird combination of overacting and underacting on the part of the cast. I'd say that the movie was as hard to watch as the book was to read, except that the movie was a little easier because it was shorter.
I would not recommend this movie unless you are a fan of both Moby Dick and the fantasy genre.
The other movie was better, but it still wasn't great.
This was a more generic fantasy movie - I'm pretty sure it was based on the Saga video game, though I've never played that game. The main characters are an elf bounty hunter, a human cleric (maybe a paladin) and a genre-breaking "nice" orc who was betrayed by his more evil comrade. The plot was fairly generic fantasy - stop the evil cult before they summon the god of death.
But it was solidly done. Because of my background I particularly notice the combat scenes, which were... let's say competent. There were a few spots where it looked incredibly faked - especially if you paid attention to the background characters, but that's hard to avoid unless you're Bob Anderson. In general the fight choreography came from the "make it fun and flashy" school, with many kicks and spins, rather than the "make it realistic" school.
The makeup and visual effects were actually not bad - except for the big evil god at the end, which totally looked rotoscoped. Badly rotoscoped. But the elf looked like an elf, and the orcs looked like orcs.
This was a much more fun bad movie than the other one. It wasn't of the quality of Dragonslayer or the Conan movies, but it wasn't hard to watch. I'd recommend it if you have an hour and a half to kill and you felt like a bit of mindless fantasy.
Wednesday, 30 December 2015
Saturday, 26 December 2015
The Hidden Message of Triple Town
For a long time, Triple Town has been my go-to game for when I'm sitting on the bog. It's a fun and interesting little puzzle game.
The idea is that you have to build a town. The board is divided into a grid, and each turn you can put down a randomly-determined piece. When you put down three of the same piece in connected squares, they combine into the next-higher piece.
Three grass combine into a bush. Three bushes combine into a tree. Three trees combine into a hut. Three huts combine into a house. Three houses combine into a mansion. Three mansions combine into a castle. Three castles combine into a floating castle. In theory, you can get four floating castles to combine, but I've never been able to do that. Each piece you get is randomly determined, but the lower-order pieces are much more common than the higher-order ones. I've never got a piece higher than a hut. You can also occasionally get crystals, which are wild cards that you can use to combine with any two other pieces. You can also get bots, which you can use to destroy a single piece.
There are a few complications. Mostly, bears. Bears wander randomly around the board, blocking where you can put useful things. They come up in your random selection of pieces - so you have to put a bear on the board when you get one. Bears can only wander on blank spaces, so you can cut them off into specific areas of the board if you want to, and it's actually a really good idea to do so. You can also get ninja bears, which are like bears but they can jump about to any square on the board - they are not constrained in their movements like bears are. The bears look (a little disturbingly) like Pedobear.
There is only one way that bears will ever go away. If you block three or more bears into an area so that none of them will move, then they will all combine into a church. Yes - if you gather enough pedobears into a single area, they will become a church. That's the first hidden message.
So you might be asking - what happens when you combine three churches? Well, obviously, they become a cathedral. And if you combine three cathedrals? Well, they become a chest full of coins that you can use to buy the specific pieces that you want instead of getting a random selection. Yes - if you combine churches, you get money. That's the other hidden message.
The idea is that you have to build a town. The board is divided into a grid, and each turn you can put down a randomly-determined piece. When you put down three of the same piece in connected squares, they combine into the next-higher piece.
Three grass combine into a bush. Three bushes combine into a tree. Three trees combine into a hut. Three huts combine into a house. Three houses combine into a mansion. Three mansions combine into a castle. Three castles combine into a floating castle. In theory, you can get four floating castles to combine, but I've never been able to do that. Each piece you get is randomly determined, but the lower-order pieces are much more common than the higher-order ones. I've never got a piece higher than a hut. You can also occasionally get crystals, which are wild cards that you can use to combine with any two other pieces. You can also get bots, which you can use to destroy a single piece.
There are a few complications. Mostly, bears. Bears wander randomly around the board, blocking where you can put useful things. They come up in your random selection of pieces - so you have to put a bear on the board when you get one. Bears can only wander on blank spaces, so you can cut them off into specific areas of the board if you want to, and it's actually a really good idea to do so. You can also get ninja bears, which are like bears but they can jump about to any square on the board - they are not constrained in their movements like bears are. The bears look (a little disturbingly) like Pedobear.
There is only one way that bears will ever go away. If you block three or more bears into an area so that none of them will move, then they will all combine into a church. Yes - if you gather enough pedobears into a single area, they will become a church. That's the first hidden message.
So you might be asking - what happens when you combine three churches? Well, obviously, they become a cathedral. And if you combine three cathedrals? Well, they become a chest full of coins that you can use to buy the specific pieces that you want instead of getting a random selection. Yes - if you combine churches, you get money. That's the other hidden message.
Saturday, 5 December 2015
Shopping mall and flyover
So I had this weird dream before waking up this morning, and it's fading fast, so I'd better get it down quick.
I was going somewhere - I may have been shopping, but I wasn't carrying any bags - and I parked the car, but I couldn't remember where I left it. It was on the street somewhere rather than at a carpark. I realised that I was in the suburb where I grew up (Holt), but there was a lot of construction work going on.
I found a map, which showed the future layout of the area, and I realised that almost the entire suburb was being replaced. There was going to be a huge shopping mall, with public transit, and a huge flyover for the highway. Not sure what the highway was going to, unless there was a lot of new development out towards Uriarra.
At one point I remembered that I didn't live in this area any more, and the reason I was trying to find my car was so that I could go home to Waramanga, which is where I live in the waking world.
After wandering around for some time looking (unsuccessfully) for my car, I eventually sat down with someone who was taking surveys, and I was answering some fairly odd questions. I think he was from the company that was doing the development, but I can't remember any of the questions. I don't usually mind doing marketing surveys, but this one I think started to get a little intrusive. At one point he asked me something like "what are you doing in this area" and I cried "I'm trying to find my car so I can go home!"
At that point my friend Myk showed up and we had a bit of a chat. But he had to go because he had to get home in time to watch the latest episode of Doctor Who. I replied that the current season wasn't on Netflix yet, but it would be when the season finished, and we'd binge-watch it then. Which is true in the waking world. I overheard a number of other people mentioning that they had to go home to watch Doctor Who as well, so I assumed it was a season finale or something.
Around then was when I woke up. This was an interesting dream to me, for a couple of reasons. First, because I was able to remember it when I woke. I often dream, and my dreams are intricate and complicated, but I rarely remember them when I wake up. I usually dream most vividly in the mornings. I'll sometimes wake up at 7am or so, then go back to sleep for a while. This morning it was about three hours. This period of sleep is when I dream. I've speculated in the past that the ambient light has something to do with the vividness of my dreams.
Second, because it blended my current life with my past. I was making my way through Holt - the suburb where I grew up, from ages 6 to 16 - but I had to get home to Waramanga, which is where I live now. I spoke about watching Doctor Who on Netflix. It had a strong theme of "you can never really go home" - the idea that when you return to the places you knew as a child, it's changed so much from the way you remember it. It certainly had changed. I was able to trace on the map where the roads used to be, and in more than one case a part of the existing road had been retained, but renamed.
There was also the presence of Myk - now I will say here that Myk does occasionally feature in my dreams. More I think than most other friends of mine. But he always looks the same. Tall, slightly hunched over, wearing a long coat. This is not how he looks in the waking world.
Oddly, when I woke up, I checked Facebook and found a couple of interesting things in my News Feed. There was some really nice photos of Myk, and there was the list of Mr Fluffy houses which did indeed include the house in Holt where I grew up.
I was going somewhere - I may have been shopping, but I wasn't carrying any bags - and I parked the car, but I couldn't remember where I left it. It was on the street somewhere rather than at a carpark. I realised that I was in the suburb where I grew up (Holt), but there was a lot of construction work going on.
I found a map, which showed the future layout of the area, and I realised that almost the entire suburb was being replaced. There was going to be a huge shopping mall, with public transit, and a huge flyover for the highway. Not sure what the highway was going to, unless there was a lot of new development out towards Uriarra.
At one point I remembered that I didn't live in this area any more, and the reason I was trying to find my car was so that I could go home to Waramanga, which is where I live in the waking world.
After wandering around for some time looking (unsuccessfully) for my car, I eventually sat down with someone who was taking surveys, and I was answering some fairly odd questions. I think he was from the company that was doing the development, but I can't remember any of the questions. I don't usually mind doing marketing surveys, but this one I think started to get a little intrusive. At one point he asked me something like "what are you doing in this area" and I cried "I'm trying to find my car so I can go home!"
At that point my friend Myk showed up and we had a bit of a chat. But he had to go because he had to get home in time to watch the latest episode of Doctor Who. I replied that the current season wasn't on Netflix yet, but it would be when the season finished, and we'd binge-watch it then. Which is true in the waking world. I overheard a number of other people mentioning that they had to go home to watch Doctor Who as well, so I assumed it was a season finale or something.
Around then was when I woke up. This was an interesting dream to me, for a couple of reasons. First, because I was able to remember it when I woke. I often dream, and my dreams are intricate and complicated, but I rarely remember them when I wake up. I usually dream most vividly in the mornings. I'll sometimes wake up at 7am or so, then go back to sleep for a while. This morning it was about three hours. This period of sleep is when I dream. I've speculated in the past that the ambient light has something to do with the vividness of my dreams.
Second, because it blended my current life with my past. I was making my way through Holt - the suburb where I grew up, from ages 6 to 16 - but I had to get home to Waramanga, which is where I live now. I spoke about watching Doctor Who on Netflix. It had a strong theme of "you can never really go home" - the idea that when you return to the places you knew as a child, it's changed so much from the way you remember it. It certainly had changed. I was able to trace on the map where the roads used to be, and in more than one case a part of the existing road had been retained, but renamed.
There was also the presence of Myk - now I will say here that Myk does occasionally feature in my dreams. More I think than most other friends of mine. But he always looks the same. Tall, slightly hunched over, wearing a long coat. This is not how he looks in the waking world.
Oddly, when I woke up, I checked Facebook and found a couple of interesting things in my News Feed. There was some really nice photos of Myk, and there was the list of Mr Fluffy houses which did indeed include the house in Holt where I grew up.
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