Form Letter To The Editor

Originally published by Marquis De Carabas on the JREF Forum:

[insert natural phenomenon] is incredibly complex. The odds of [said natural phenomenon] arising by chance have been [calculated by a scientist in a non-related field/estimated by my pastor/pulled out of my ass] to be 1 in [many millions/many billions/oodles]. Although I admit [I am not an expert in this field/I haven’t even bothered to google this/I am from Kansas], it is apparent to me that this could not have happened by chance alone, therefore [the only possible explanation is/we must acknowledge the power of/I will label my ignorance] God.

[I look forward to reading your feeble attempts to dispute this/Prove me wrong/Suck on that], [stupid atheists/EVILutionists].

Kent Hovind describes the origin of coffee

Originally by barehl on the JREF Forum.

Let's try applying Kent Hovind's logic and speaking style to coffee.

Have you ever thought about where coffee came from? I don't mean the bean which obviously comes from a tree. But, where did the idea come from to make a drink from it? I'm going to show you that it wasn't possible for this to happen and therefore coffee must have a supernatural origin.

Raw coffee beans are inside of fruit on coffee trees. That's the first odd thing. Can you name any other time where we throw away the fruit and keep the seeds? Imagine if you had a cherry tree or a peach tree and you threw away the fruit and kept the seeds. Everyone would think you were crazy. And you can't even use these seeds in raw form; they have to be roasted first. So, now we have two levels of crazy: I'm keeping the seeds and then I decide to roast them until they turn dark like burnt toast...and we all know how good burnt toast is.

But we still aren't there yet because you can't make coffee with coffee beans even after you roast them; you need a coffee grinder. So now imagine that some craftsman or tinkerer hears that some crazy guy is keeping seeds and roasting them and so he decides to make a contraption that will grind them up even though there is still nothing you can do with them.

We need a coffee pot. Now coffee pots are complex devices. They require a basket with holes of just the right size. If the holes are too small the water won't run out fast enough and the basket will overflow and get grounds in the coffee. But if the holes are too big then the grounds will fall through anyway. Can you imagine how much time it would take just to get the basket and holes the right size? Then on the bottom of the coffee pot there is a chamber that gets very hot which causes the water to boil. This water then shoots up a tube and falls down into the basket. To keep the water moving in one direction you have to have a valve to let more water in after the first quantity gets pushed up the tube. If you don't have this valve then the bottom chamber will just boil dry and the coffee won't percolate. The tube also has to be the right size. If it is too big then the boiling water won't reach the top. If it's too small then the pressure will build up and the chamber will explode. This is very complicated; you would need an engineer.

So imagine that you find an engineer to to design your burnt seed percolating device and he is going to spend time experimenting while risking being injured by an explosion to make a machine that has no value without the seeds that some crazy guy roasted and a coffee grinder that someone else built based on the idea that it might make a drink that no one has ever tasted? Coffee is obviously irreducibly complex and clearly, this never happened. The idea of coffee along with the devices and procedures to make coffee must have had a supernatural origin.

The New Age Is A Paper Tiger

Originally by Dr Adequate on the JREF Forums

New Age: Wouldn't it be wonderful if minute doses of toxins could make people healthier?

Science: Vaccination?

New Age: Homeopathy! Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could cure diseases by sticking needles in people?

Science: Intravenous injection?

New Age: Acupuncture! Wouldn't it be wonderful if people without medical degrees or scientific training could treat serious medical conditions by the laying on of hands?

Science: CPR?

New Age: Faith healing! Wouldn't it be wonderful if naturally occurring substances could cure diseases?

Science: Penicillin?

New Age: Ephedra! Wouldn't it be wonderful if people had remarkable mental powers?

Science: Language, memory, imagination, reason, love, compassion, hope, altruism...

New Age: Spoonbending! Wouldn't it be wonderful if people could communicate with one another over large distances?

Science: By telephone?

New Age: By telepathy! Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was some way of seeing distant people and places?

Science: Television?

New Age: Remote viewing! Wouldn't it be wonderful if people could fly?

Science: By aeroplane?

New Age: By bouncing on their bottoms and repeating a mantra! Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could determine the sex of an unborn child?

Science: Using ultrasound?

New Age: Using pendulum dowsing! Wouldn't it be wonderful if every part of the universe was bound to every other part by mysterious forces?

Science: As in quantum physics?

New Age: As an explanation for the tricks of stage psychics! Wouldn't it be wonderful if mysterious vibrations were the explanation for all phenomena?

Science: Quantum physics again, surely?

New Age: Such as the "good vibrations" I get from my magic crystals! Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was such a thing as "negative energy''?

Science: As is associated with a gravitational field?

New Age: As an objective, scientific explanation of why I should dislike the people I dislike! Wouldn't it be wonderful if the study of numbers and calculation could help us to discover how the world works?

Science: Mathematics?

New Age: Numerology! Wouldn't it be wonderful if there were some things science can't explain...

Science: Here's a list as long as your arm. Can you help us to get research funding?

New Age: ... such as why a pretty pebble price $29.99 plus postage and packing can improve my karma and ward off negative forces! Wouldn't it be wonderful if studying the stars could lead us to important truths?

Science: Such as the origin of the universe?

New Age: Such as that Librans should avoid shopping trips this Wednesday! Wouldn't it be wonderful if in some distant mountain range there flourished an shaggy semi-intelligent animal closely related to humans?

Science: The Congo mountain gorilla?

New Age: The yeti! Wouldn't it be wonderful if the Earth were being observed from outer space?

Science: By weather satellites?

New Age: By Little Green Men! Wouldn't it be wonderful if ancient civilizations had discovered a mysterious occult key to the workings of the Universe, the knowlege of which has been handed down from generation to generation by a small, shy, uncommunicative sect?

Science: Mathematicians?

New Age: Atlanteans! Wouldn't it be wonderful if superior intelligences who have mastered the secrets of space flight were trying to communicate with me?

Science: Scientists?

New Age: Aliens! Wouldn't it be wonderful if there were beautiful stripy ferocious big cats living in Asia...

Science: Tigers?

New Age: ... made entirely out of paper! After all, aren't things always more wonderful if they are...

Science: Real?

New Age: Imaginary!